Every couple fights, and sometimes during the heat of an argument, the word “divorce” might pop up. One might begin using the threat of the D-word, especially when they are deeply hurt, angry, or betrayed. Sometimes, the person who brought this up might be bluffing, but there are also cases wherein divorce is used as a control or intimidation tactic.
Thoughts of divorce are quite common during the marriage, and using it as a threat too often can become terrifying for the other party. If your spouse, for instance, threatens to divorce or leave you every time you argue, it can be hard not to take that seriously. This is because bringing it up frequently might mean that there is some wrong with your relationship.
Since every person is different, it can sometimes be hard to tell if your spouse is serious. You might be able to take note of the facial expressions, gestures, and inflection, but take note that threatening a divorce can also be an attempt to achieve something. Many divorce lawyers list some of the reasons why people use the D-word during an argument:
Win the fight
Bringing up divorce during conflict might be an attempt to win the argument. If your spouse brings it over trivial matters like cleaning the house or doing household chores, s/he might just be bluffing to annoy you.
Spouses know that the threat of divorce can be frightening, so bringing it up often can be an attempt to control and manipulate you. It can also mean that s/he is not willing to compromise and that you’re the one who needs to adjust.
There are many cases wherein the subject of the fight could trigger rage and other emotional responses that can cause the party to lash out. S/he might threaten to leave you as a way of hurting you back or making you feel the pain you have caused.
Sometimes, your spouse might threaten to divorce you before you can do the same to him or her. The way you respond to this threat can also be a way to confirm your partner’s fears about you or the stability of the relationship.
Express feelings or what’s on their mind
Saying the word divorce too often can also mean that your spouse has been thinking about pursuing it or wants the both of you to end the relationship and go your separate ways.
Having an open discussion can help clear things out and find out where these threats are coming from. If you’re the one hearing the D-word most of the time, you can talk to your spouse about it and explain that it hurts you. If your spouse seems serious about it, talking can help get both of you to the bottom of the problem and find out if your marriage is failing or headed for divorce.
Dealing with this threat, every argument can be terrifying and confusing. If your spouse is serious, you are left with facing the fact that your marriage is ending. Talking to a divorce attorney can help you find out what you can expect, as well as start protecting yourself. This can also help you prepare and know your options when you finalize the decision.